Have you ever looked around at your life and thought, This is exactly what I'm supposed to want... so why do I feel so empty?
Maybe you've checked all the boxes. Maybe you've climbed the ladder, earned the degree, landed the job, built the life that looks perfect on paper. But somewhere deep inside, there's this quiet voice asking, Is this really it? Is this all there is?
This week's conversation is for anyone who's ever felt that way. For anyone who's realized they've been living someone else's version of success. For anyone who's finally ready to ask themselves the scariest, most important question: What do I actually want?
We sat down with Dr. Esther Zeldon, a woman who survived a near-death experience at age two, spent decades chasing safety and stability, and then made a choice that terrified everyone around her—she walked away from it all to build a life that was truly hers.
This episode is about the courage it takes to redesign your life. The price of playing it safe. And what happens when you finally give yourself permission to want something different.
📅 This episode drops Tuesday, January 27, 2026, at 3 AM ET Dr. Esther Zeldon on Career Burnout, Anxiety, and Finding Purpose After a Toxic "Successful" Life
This is our Season 16 starter, and it's the perfect way to begin.
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🚗 What's Up with G-Rex & Dirty Skittles
G-Rex here and dang did we get a lot of snow. We have lived in upstate NY for 5 years and this is the worst storm that we have had. The snow just keeps coming down, and for all of you out there who are saying that our weather is drunk and is sitting on your front lawn, I promise we did not send it your way. On the bright side, we have everything we need to stay toasty in the house and all of us are tucked in. It is also really pretty to look at, and today I stood outside for like 5 minutes and listened to the snow, and something about it just put me at ease.
Dirty Skittles is getting her own kind of bad weather down in Georgia, and so I have been kind and not rubbing it in. She is loving her new office, and I can tell just from talking to her how much it is putting her mind at ease.
I hope all of you are staying warm, safe, and finding some joy even on those hard days. We are back with Season 16 and also back to our 2 episodes a week.
🔥 Special Shout-Out to a Previous Guest
🌟 Michael Cortina, LCSW, LCAC
One of our Season 15 guests, Michael Cortina, is doing something incredible, and we want to make sure you know about it.
Michael is giving a live webinar sponsored by PESI—one of the largest and most well-known providers of mental health education. This is a big deal, and the content is 🔥.
In the webinar, Michael will cover:
Practical, brain-based tools you can use immediately—reset phrases, body-based techniques, and neuroscience-informed strategies you can apply the very next day
A fresh, compassionate lens for working with trauma without re-traumatizing—especially helpful if traditional approaches haven't worked for you
Live demonstrations and real examples—you'll see the techniques in action and get guided experiential practice
📅 When: February 16, 2026 Options: Sign up for the live online webinar or grab the recorded replay to watch later
💰 Investment: Normally $169.99, but when you use Michael's exclusive link and coupon code CORTINA at checkout, you can get it for just $49.99.
Use this worksheet to explore what it means to design a life that's truly yours—not the one you were told to want..
🎤 Episode Spotlight:
When Success Becomes Suffocation
At two years old, Dr. Esther Zeldon was given three weeks to live. Her father played the lottery—she chose the numbers, they won, and every dollar saved her life. Then civil war hit Nicaragua, and her family fled with nothing. That experience planted one belief deep in her bones: safety above all else.
So she became the perfect kid. The high achiever. The fixer who carried everyone else's problems. She climbed every ladder, checked every box, earned every degree. On paper, her life looked perfect. The career. The house. The stability. The American Dream.
And she was miserable.
One Christmas, when she told her dad something felt off, he reminded her of all the reasons she should be grateful. But for the first time in her life, she raised her voice:
"This is not my legacy."
Esther downsized, gave away 75% of her belongings, and walked away from the stable career. She knew it would take five years. She knew she'd be confronted with every trauma and limiting belief she'd buried. And she did it anyway.
This conversation is for anyone who's ever felt stuck in a life that looks successful but feels suffocating. For anyone who's ready to ask themselves: What do I actually want?
🧩 From the Conversation
💬 The heartbeat of this episode
What makes this conversation so powerful is that Esther names something most high achievers carry in silence: you can do everything "right" and still feel deeply, devastatingly wrong.
The turning point in Esther's life didn't come from her own work—it came from the people she was trying to help. She was working in international development, telling communities what they needed, until one day she stopped and asked them instead. Their answers were nothing like what she'd assumed. When they were given freedom to pursue their own vision, they soared.
That's when it hit her: We do this to ourselves, too. We don't ask ourselves what we want. We just go into solution mode, chasing what looks safe, following the path we think will protect us.
This episode reframes what it means to be successful. Success isn't about how it looks on paper—it's about whether you're living a life that's actually yours. Esther reminds us that when you make the choice to go against safety, that's when you're confronted with everything you've been avoiding. The traumas. The limiting beliefs. The fears. They all come rushing at you. But that's the work. That's where the healing happens.
She also talks about something most entrepreneurs don't admit: the temptation to say yes to everything out of scarcity and fear. But she's learned that "if it's not a hell yes, it's a no"—and that trusting your intuition, even when everyone thinks you're crazy, is how you stay aligned.
🫂 A quote that stuck with us
"If it's not a hell yes, it's a no. And maybe it's just a no right now. It may be in alignment next year. But right now it's a no. And you have to trust that and not feel bad." — Dr. Esther Zeldon
🎙️ Real Talk from Us
"When Esther said, 'This is not my legacy,' I felt that in every cell of my body. That's the moment you realize you've been living for everyone else's version of success and you're done. I've been there—45 years in corporate America before I finally walked away. And hearing her talk about how walking away from safety forces you to confront all your trauma? That's the part nobody tells you. But it's also the part that sets you free." —
G-Rex
"What got me was when she talked about being the 'perfect kid' and how no one ever asked her how she was really doing. Because when you're the fixer, when you're the one everyone leans on, people assume you're fine. But inside? You're carrying so much. And the first time you can't fix something or you show that you're struggling, you feel like a burden. That hit so close to home." — Dirty Skittles
📓 Reflection Prompts to Sit With
What would you be doing with your life if you weren't afraid of losing safety or stability?
Where are you saying yes to things that should be a no—just because you're scared to trust yourself?
If you raised your voice right now and said, "This is not my legacy," what would you be walking away from?
Who in your life are you trying to fix? And what would it feel like to let them figure it out on their own?
🌱 Gentle Reminder
You are allowed to have everything on paper and still feel empty. That doesn't make you ungrateful—it makes you human.
You are allowed to want more than safety. You are allowed to want fulfillment, purpose, joy, alignment. You are allowed to redesign your life, even if it takes five years. Even if it scares the people who love you. Even if they don't understand.
Walking away from what looks successful doesn't mean you're throwing your life away. It means you're finally choosing yourself. And yes, it will bring up every trauma, every limiting belief, every fear you've been avoiding. But on the other side of that hard work? There's a life that's actually yours.
If you're the high achiever, the fixer, the perfect kid who's been suffering in silence—this is your sign. You don't have to keep climbing the wrong ladder. You don't have to keep living someone else's dream.
Start with one question: What do I actually want?
And then give yourself permission to listen to the answer.
🌟 Meet Our Guest: Dr. Esther Zeldon
Dr. Esther Zeldon is a best-selling author, passionate entrepreneur, international development professional, coach, nurturing mother, and former diplomat who helps high-achieving trailblazers stop living for the checkmarks and start designing lives that light them up from the inside.
Her story begins with survival. At just two years old, she was given three weeks to live. Her father played the lottery, she chose the numbers, they won, and every dollar went to saving her life. But then civil war forced her family to flee Nicaragua with nothing, and they started over from scratch. That experience shaped her entire life—teaching her to prioritize safety above everything else, even her own dreams.
For decades, Esther did everything "right." She became the perfect kid, the high achiever, the fixer who carried everyone else's problems. She earned scholarships, climbed corporate ladders, built the life that looked successful from the outside. But inside, she was suffering. She'd never stopped to ask herself what she wanted—because no one had ever asked her.
Today, Dr. Esther helps people discover their "superpower"—that unique thing only they can bring to the world—and gives them permission to live it. She believes that when people are aligned with their purpose, it reduces crime, depression, anxiety, and toxic workplaces. It changes the world.
Esther is living proof that you don't have to wait to be healed to start living. You just have to be brave enough to ask yourself what you actually want—and trust yourself enough to go after it.
Survival trauma can create a lifelong obsession with safety that suffocates you
High achievers and "perfect kids" often suffer in silence while carrying everyone else
You can have everything on paper and still feel deeply unfulfilled
Asking yourself what you actually want is one of the bravest things you can do
"If it's not a hell yes, it's a no"—trust your intuition even when others don't understand
💪 Actionable Steps
Ask yourself: What do I actually want? Write it down and say it out loud
Identify one area where you're prioritizing safety over fulfillment
Practice saying no to opportunities that don't feel like a "hell yes"
Make one small choice this week aligned with your values, not your fears
Try breath work or journaling to connect with your intuition and tune into what feels right
💬 Listener Engagement
What part of this conversation hit home for you? Have you ever felt stuck in a life that looks perfect but feels suffocating? Are you ready to ask yourself what you actually want?
Reply to this email or tag us on Instagram @grex_and_dirtyskittles and let us know. Your story matters, and we're here to listen.
⭐ Subscribe, Rate & Review
If this episode resonated with you, we'd be so grateful if you'd take a moment to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast. Your support helps us reach more people who need to hear these conversations, and it means everything to us.
This week's conversation with Esther hit us right in the heart, and we hope it did the same for you.
If you've been carrying the weight of trying to be perfect, if you've been climbing a ladder that doesn't even belong to you, if you've been living for safety instead of joy—we want you to hear this: you are not ungrateful for wanting more. You are not selfish for asking what you actually want. And you are not broken for feeling empty even when your life looks successful.
Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is admit that what we've built isn't working. Esther's story reminds us that you don't have to stay stuck. You don't have to keep living someone else's version of success.
So this week, ask yourself the question: What do I actually want?
And then, when the answer comes—even if it's quiet, even if it's terrifying, even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else—give yourself permission to listen.
You deserve a life that's actually yours.
Take care of your mental health. Be kind to yourself this week. And go find your joy, even if it's something small today.
We're so glad you're here.
With love and solidarity,
G-Rex & Dirty Skittles Changing the way we talk about mental health, one real convo at a time.
G-Rex & Dirty Skittles
It's ok to be not ok, just make sure you're talking to someone
